Baby T's Story, Chapter 6- Improvements!

Saturday 2/25/12

A very sweet nurse decides that Baby T's crib is drab

looking so she gathers toys from the floor and decorates his crib with them.

This gives him more to look at which

will encourage him to open/exercise his eyes.

He follows people with his eyes (within his line of vision).

Movement is increasing.

He can move his arms and feet now though movement is limited and is only more apparent with pain or irritation.

The doctors are optimistic that in a few days he may be strong enough to try breathing on his own.

IB Dad and I have gotten into a routine of sorts. I'm still staying the night at the hospital but every couple of days I go home to get a break for a few hours. We've worked it out so that Baby T is never alone. Either IB Dad or I are always at his side. Our families have visited him as well.

I feel so much guilt at times for being unavailable for my other children. I've begun to try and make a point of calling them once a day. Our family has circled the wagons and done a great job of keeping our kids on their regular schedule.

There's been so much disruption in our lives so knowing that they are in good hands puts us at ease.

One unexpected perk to being a breastfeeding mom, they feed me breakfast/lunch/dinner while I'm at the hospital.

For the first few days I couldn't eat much. After realizing that I needed to eat in order to provide Baby T his breastmilk, I started convincing myself to eat at least half of my meal.

Then I discovered that I can choose my own meals

(a menu is dropped off every morning), and my eating continued to improve.

Tonight a chocolate cake slice appears with my dinner tray. I stash the cake for later.

When the sun is set I head to the parent room and make my bed.

Other parents are already in bed so the room is dark. 

Only here would an 8pm Saturday night bedtime seem completely reasonable.

Our hospital has an amazing view of a popular west coast city.

I sit on my chair-bed eating my cake while watching the skyline.

I'm celebrating Baby T's improvements,

relieved to have a moment to myself (IB Dad is with Baby T).

Part of me is sad, watching the cars wizz by and wishing I

were one of them, free and moving far far away from here.

I think of what we might be doing at that hour in the evening.

How much I miss my bed at home, but more than that, how much I miss

being able to roll over and snuggle my sweet Baby T.

I miss morning coffee with my mate while our kids quarrel.

I miss driving my eldest to school.

I miss seeing the youngest two nap together.

I make a mental note to remember how much I miss the ordinary.

At the moment I feel like "ordinary" has been sorely lacking in our lives. 

How strange, to be eating cake on my bed with a chorus of tired fathers snoring.

Baby T's presence in the PICU pulls me back.

And there, despite his predicament, I find him wearing a smile.

Click to Continue Reading Baby T's Story, Chapter 7